Hack 'Em Up And Write It Down
by Morbid Guidance
Summary: Look inside the mind of Barry The Chopper! Who did he really kill and reasons why! This is Barry The Chopper's Diary, it all started with his wife... R&R!


I love Barry the chopper he's so the best character in the show, and he's always surprising me by coming back to life! How many times has he been killed now, three times? Well who cares, he's so the best in my point of view, so I decided to write what goes on in that demented head of his! I started the first date of his diary with the day I started writing this fanfic. So enjoy, if you can…

I don't own Full Metal Alchemist, nor do I own Barry The Chopper -sniff-.

Barry the chopper

How many people has he really killed, and reasons why

Barry The Chopper sat peacefully at his cell door in jail, the only thing he was able to get from his wonderful van after he was captured because of the little runt Edward Elric and his girlfriend, was his old diary. He laughed giddily. Just remembering the memories he had writing this brought a smile to his face. Maybe he should write in it again, just for old time's sake you know, but first he wanted to read it. He opened it to the first page. Ah yes, the night he killed his first victim, his wife….

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Wednesday, October 04, Year 1

Dear diary,

Barry here, hey guess what! As ive said before, my wife's a real nagger, so wanna know what I just did now? It was awesome, there's blood every where! Yep you guessed it, I killed her, chopped her up into tiny bits and fed 'em to the dog! But there's no dog anymore, it was so fun, I chopped up Barkers too!

I think ive found a new hobby you know! Well I'll write soon, love ya!

Monday, October 09, Year 1

Dear diary,

How's it been, ive been great, I work in my own meat shop now. A nice little van that I can have fun slaughtering animals in. Oh yeah, I saw this really pretty girl in the street today! I asked her out and she denied! Can you believe it? She denied me! So I chopped her up and froze her pieces in my butcher's van. Till next time my dear friend!

Thursday, October 25, Year 1

Dear diary,

Wow, I haven't written in a while. Well that's self-explanatory I guess, ive been off doing other things. I was looking into getting a cat, but I decided against it, I think I like dogs better, so I'm sticking to chopp'em them up inside. Well anyway, Darry Hicks, you know my old classmate, well I bumped into him the other day. We caught up on good times. I wasn't really thinking of chopping him up, since I knew him from childhood you know, but then he said he got together with Marry Hilter! He knew quite well she was my crush in high school and now he's married to her? Yeah right, not anymore! Few, my hands getting tired, I think it needs a work out. I'll write soon diary!

Saturday, October 31, Year 1

Dear diary,

HAPPY HALLOWE'EN! Oh yeah! Today's been great! I have cute little kids coming to my door! Aw they're so cute, with they're widdle scary costumes and they're candy bags! I don't know why all they're parents look at me like I'm some sort of mass murderer. It's not like ive killed THEM yet! Oh, there's the door bell, gotta go give the kids they're honey flavored human bits. Bye!

Tuesday, November 03, Year 1

Dear diary,

I chopped up Dillen Black in an alleyway the other day, just need a good work out, besides, he looked at me funny so why not you know? Man, I love my life, nothing can go wrong! I think some people are getting suspicious though, I gotta keep low. I have a good plan to drive them all off my back. Oh yeah, it's going to be great! I'll tell ya later, I'm hungry so I'm going to go have take out. Cya!

Sunday, November 18, Year1

Dear diary,

People might think Barrys gone, but they are very wrong! I'm dressing up as a woman now! Tehe! It's so fun! You don't know how many men have asked me to go out with them! Did I say yes, you ask? OF COURSE! I invited them into my van and they never came out. People wont miss 'em, they weren't much to look at anyway. I guess I'm kinda of obsessed now aren't I? Oh well, its fun and that's all that matters right? I wonder what I'll have for dinner tonight…

Wednesday, January 06, Year 8

Dear diary,

I FINALY FOUND YOU! You've been gone for 8 years! Seriously, I thought I checked under that heap of bodies a thousand times! Ive decided to do my spring cleaning now, my vans gotten very cramped since I last wrote to you. Life's been great…OH, guess what! I broke a record! Just yesterday I killed two people in one night! Isn't that awesome? I think they're names were Lenny and Cynthia, I didn't have the heart to kill they're kids. When they wake up, aren't they going to have a surprise, HA! Being a girl is still working fine, nobody has bothered me, and if they have, well lets just say they won't anymore. I'm really tired right now, so I'm going to bed, I guess tomorrow I'm going to be really stiff, maybe I'll just take a few nights off. Good night dear one!

Friday, April 07, Year 8

Just a relaxation day, I don't feel like chopping much right now, ive finally decided on my name, its Barry The Chopper, I was stuck between two for the longest time! It was either Barry The Chopper or The Super Barry Guy. It was a really hard decision but I'm happy with what I chose. I hope to write soon diary.

Monday, May 03, year 9

DEAR DIARY,

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WOW, THAT TOOK A LOT OF WRITING HAHA! I LOVE MY LIFE! SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT! GOT CAUGHT UP IN CHOPPIN HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I JUST FINISHED SOME REYNOLDS GUY BEHIND THE LIQUOR WAREHOUSE THAT WAS SURE FUN! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Tuesday, May 20, Year 9

Dear dairy,

On the third I was very drunk, sorry. But I did mean what I said, it was amazing. I could have sworn his blood was blue and green! But that was probably just the alcohol. Anyway, I saw on the news and some crazy guy is dressing up as a women and killing innocent people! HA! Everyone should be grateful, those people weren't innocent, Reynolds was drunk and he was planning on driving somebody over for some reason! I mean, if you want to kill somebody you hack them up, not hit and run! Seriously, some people just don't have any imagination! Bye, bye diary!

Friday, December 05, Year 9

I haven't been writing a lot lately, ive got so much to do. So when something important happens I'll write ok. I really love you sweetie, bye dairy!

Saturday, August 29, year 10

Dear diary,

Hendrick just told me my meat was terrible! Like who tells a pretty girl that her meats terrible! I don't even put the bodies near the meat so how are they terrible? Boy is that guy going to be added to the pile!

Monday, March 13, Year 11

Dear diary,

Tonight is such a beautiful moon, I'm going to go kill somebody, be right back!

Ahhh, wow, was this a night to remember, Gadriel lying there in all that blood, it was great. I think I had a dream like that before, or was it the night I killed my wife? Hmmm, I don't remember guess it doesn't matter. I'll write if something comes up, Tootles!

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His Jail cell door opened and he looked up from his wonderful memories. The prison guards beckoned for him to fallow them. He got up and was about to walk out when one of them stopped him, then took the book out of his hand and pushed him to move along. as he walked away, heading to his awaiting doom in laboratory 5, he looked back and saw them burning his diary. _"Will I ever fall in love again?"_ he wondered and sighed, it all started with his nagging wife.

The End

Aw -sniff-, so sad. Oh well, Barry looks better in the suit of armor anyway! So how was it? Please review, and if you don't, I'll send Barry The Chopper out to get you! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Please read my other fanfics, if you like the Kyuubi off of Naruto, then please go to my profile and check out my stories! And if you want to know if Barry does fall in love again, he does, and it's somebody from the military. Sorry if I spoiled it for any of you just doing my job, ruining all of your lives with my stories! Chow!


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